•IN GESTALT, LANGUAGE IS CHANGED FROM   -   TO:

Why to How (Searching for Why’s can be a dead end spiral.)

Past/Future to Present

Can’t to Won’t (“I can’t” means I am not responsible.  “I won’t” says I have a CHOICE.  It is a   totally different experience in the body….notice!

Abstract to Concrete….General to Sprcific….Implicit to Explicit

Explaining (Because) to Contact Feeling (Describe)

But to And

Questions to Statements

Needs to Wants

Feelings to Contact, Enter & Express

Gossiping to Talk To Person

You/One to I (as in section above this one)

It to Naming/Clarifying What ‘It’ Is

Also, Gestalt Language let’s go of SHOULD’S and ‘OUGHT TO’S’

•TAKE RESPONSIBILITY BY MAKING 'I' STATEMENTS:

-'I' statements: I will; I won't; I like; I don't like; I feel, I prefer; I have boundaries and availability.

-'You' statements: i.e. saying “When your heart is broken you hurt” rather than “When my heart is broken I hurt”.  ‘You’ statements give my power away and weaken my responsibility.

-'We' statements: “we don't like what you did”. Speak for yourself! Allow others to speak for themselves.  How do you really know what others feel or think or want?

-'One' statements: "after all, one likes a nap after lunch." Who is this 'one'?

Making 'I' statements gives me responsibility for my life

•

• SURRENDERING TO WHAT IS as a path in life:  I believe in authentically living the 'Truth of the Moment': MY truth (as much as I’m ready for).  There is a Bible verse that reads:  "The truth shall set you free."   I believe this to be true.  One ‘path’ in life can be simply learning to honor the truth of who I am and where I am, moment by moment, and allowing my life to unfold out of that.  Period. 

Honoring my truth may, paradoxically, include honoring that I sometimes choose to lie!  Honoring ‘truth’ is surrendering to what is, in reality.  By telling my truth, I come to know who I  actually am rather than who I think I am or pretend I am. I become able to live from a more authentic place, both with myself and with others.

Part of telling my truth is honoring the level of openness I am prepared to share.  Openness is not mandatory.  I believe each person has a right to their private world.  Learning to set limits and establish boundaries that are appropriate for you is essential on any healthy path in life.

• SURRENDERING TO ‘WHAT IS’ INCLUDES DISCOMFORT AND SUFFERING

Verily, the lust for comfort murders the passion of the soul, and then walks grinning in the funeral."  (Kahil Gibran)

The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering the more you suffer because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt. (Thomas Merton)

The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers. (M. Scott Peck)

In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was within me an invincible summer. (Albert Camus)

Deep unspeakable suffering may well be called a baptism, a regeneration, the initiation into a new state. (George Eliot)

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved. (Helen Keller)

• STAY IN THE HERE-AND-NOW (or follow-the-energy)

RELATED TO GESTALT GROUP WORK (yet applys to life in general)::

When group members discuss abstract ideas, tell 'war stories,' or dwell on memories that do not matter much, other participants often go to sleep, whether literally or figuratively.  But when people stay in the here-and-now, the energy and interest in the room most often increases. No one sleeps. People are being authentic. Authenticity is a rare and wonderful gift.

When someone else is ‘working’ and you find yourself bored it could be that you’re not in touch with those parts of yourself that they are working on.  Even if you don’t relate to the content of another person’s work, lend as much presence to each other’s process as you’re able.  Try treating ‘process witnessing’ as a meditation/awareness exercise.

Process is NOT about drama and entertainment.  Sometimes a person’s work will be very dramatic and intense and hold the group’s attention without any effort.  Other times a person’s work may be very quiet and SEEMINGLY not important in your opinion. Great healing can come out of the quietest, most (to some) ‘boring’ pieces of work.  This is especially true with ‘impasse’ work.  Give the gift of you’re here-and-now presence!

• HOW MANY PEOPLE AM I?  Many people know only what their ‘heads feel’. Gestalt work encourages us to 'live in our bodies'.

We learn to recognize, name, and give voice to the energy and feelings throughout our bodies: hands & feet, arms & legs; genitals and buttocks; lower belly and back; upper belly; chest, heart and shoulders; neck & throat; face, brain, scalp. What do I feel everywhere?

How many feelings do I feel?  How many ‘different people’ am I??       

To discover how natural it is to flow from one emotion to another, spend some time studying  little children as they interact with one another.  The way they organically flow from being happy, to sad, to mad, to indifferent, etc.  An ever-changing flow of emotions.  Letting go of one emotion as they welcome in the next.  As adults, I believe our lack of such flow is self-created rather than natural.  As an adult, I believe I can once again learn to flow with my different feelings, my deeper truth.  And hopefully the ‘adultness’ in me brings with it some ‘grace’, some ‘maturity’ to that flow.

Awareness Exercise/Growth Tool: We are multiple people inside. Not in terms of ‘multiple personality disorder’ but we all have different ‘selves’ who are either at odds with one another, indifferent to one another, and/or support one another.   One part wants ‘this’, while another part wants ‘that’ (sometimes wanting opposite things); OR, One part is kind and loving, while another part is mean-spirited, even about the same person or event; OR, One part can nurture other parts of self who are in need of love and caring; etc.  I use a bus metaphor, asking myself and others “Whose driving the bus at this moment?”.  This ‘tool’ can teach us a lot about ourselves

and also help clarify the chaos that can develop in the mind, who tends to keep all these parts separate and not in direct communication.

These different ‘folks’ inside often fight for the wheel, or back-seat drive, or stuff parts in the back, not allowing them to come forward.  Using ‘Gestalt Techniques’, such as ‘pillow work’ and role-play, (or other tools such as writing, drawing, dancing, and other expressive arts, etc.) we can allow these parts to begin to directly communicate with one another, to get to know one another so that eventually their differences can be worked out in the same way that a room full of people would have to learn to do if they had to co-exist in the same room for an extended period of time.

As an exercise, for example, next time you’re stuck when trying to make a decision, simply throw out two or more pillows (depending on how many various ‘stances’ you have going on inside you) and start up the dialog.  Move from pillow to pillow, taking on each person’s ‘stance’ and let them converse with one another as you would if there was a decision to be made between you and one or more actual persons. 

It is so much more potent to get these kinds of conversations out of the head and into some concrete form!  (If not pillow work, then try having them dialog with one another on paper, or have each part draw from where they stand on an issue, etc.)

Pillow work is a great tool for dealing with anger and hate and other ‘negative’ emotions.  It provides a safe and appropriate space for expression of intense anger or rage without the collateral damage to self and/or others around us.  Using just words/sounds or words/sounds AND fists (or a bat or racket, etc.) physically express anger toward the object of your emotion in the form of a pillow or set of pillows. 

INTEGRATION (of these different parts) = COMMUNICATION & ACCEPTANCE among them, not that they all become one (which is impossible).   None of our ‘selves’ forever dies or goes away, though some may go to the ‘back of the bus’ for long periods.  As mentioned earlier, ‘Under stress, we regress’, and it’s possible that some part of us that we have not experienced in many years can come forward when triggered by some happening in our life.

Also, in working with our ‘different parts’ it is important to remain fluid….flexible.  Don’t get attached to the ‘parts’ as black and white.  These different ‘people’ may change, shift, grow, flow, day-to-day.  Some may remain concrete, others may ‘fade’ into some other form.

•UNIVERSAL HEART AND PERSONAL HEART- In relation to therapeutic process, I like to think of myself (and others) as having two ‘hearts’ or two specific ‘parts of self’ that can be useful to explore as ‘separate’ selves.  These are the Universal Heart (Spiritual Self) which is non-judgmental, unconditionally loving, patient, etc. and the Personal Heart (Personal Self) which has, among many ‘light’ aspects, personal biases, judgments, other "dark" characteristics such as being manipulative, etc. Years ago, my ‘topdog’ (Gestalt term) or ‘co-dependent self’ used to tell me it was "wrong" not to live as much of my life as possible from my Universal Heart/Self. It was like trying to be in ‘therapist mode’ all the time, which only served to drain my energy.  Today, I am my Universal Self at appropriate and "organic" times (as a counselor/ facilitator, massage therapist, some ‘personal time’ when it occurs organically.)   Yet as a PERSON, in my personal life and social interactions, I find the greatest growth of both personal AND spiritual selves occurs when I surrender to, become aware of, accept, and honor my total self (who I authentically am.)  I find that the more I take care of and honor myself, the more I can care for and honor others, from a ‘clean’ place void of strings, expectations, attachments, etc.

As my Universal Self, I can sincerely and organically love, support, and facilitate people at almost any stage on their path, with little or no judgment (unconditional love).  And, as my Universal Self, when I do come upon a person I judge (for example, a child sex abuser or rapist or murderer) my desire is to move through even that judgment to a place where my ‘universal heart’ can connect with the part of that person that is worthy of universal love.  This does not mean I am not confrontational at times, etc.

As my Personal Self, I have much higher standards of who and where I spend my time and energy. I have moved from a previously co-dependent lifestyle of trying to ‘be there’ for others (at the expense of myself) to setting boundaries that tend to ‘weed’ inappropriate people out of my life organically.  I rarely put or keep myself in situations that chronically drain my energy anymore.  Carlos Castaneda, in one of his books, spoke of Don Juan having taught that in order to be a true sorcerer (shaman), one must learn to turn away from that which drains energy.  Becoming aware of, and turning away from, that which continually drains my energy is essential on my path. Two simple examples of this from my life is when I, in my personal life, sit and listen to someone ramble on about something I could care less about, my energy is slowly or quickly drained in the process.  I find a graceful (or not) way to remove myself from that situation.  Also, I rarely ride in cars with other people to events, etc. anymore as I am not much into chit-chat these days and many folks are uncomfortable in silence, etc.

•     DOING (Control/Rational Mind/Ego/Intellect)

         &

      BEING (Surrender/Intuition/Soul/Organic)

It is important to learn to use the mind as a ‘tool’ rather than the controller, the primary 'bus driver'. Quieting the mind allows for intuitive guidance (see below).

Practicing allowing our DOING to organically flow out of our BEING consciousness, moment to moment rather than being stuck in a life of mind/ego/society-directed DOING, DOING, DOING.

• SILENCE / STILLNESS / ‘BEING’ IN THE MOMENT: I feel the ability to come to silence, to stillness, is an important aspect on a wholesome path.  Even the most simple ‘breath awareness practice’, or other ‘paying attention to the moment’ practice, when integrated into my day-to-day life, has a profound effect on my life being more intuitively guided than driven by my mind/ego.

Likewise, silence together, as a couple, family, work group, therapy group, etc., even for very short periods, can deepen and widen the bond, the ‘group field’, in ways that talking and other interactions alone cannot.  I begin therapy sessions (whether individual, family, or group) with one or more minutes of silence. I teach my clients the’ holding breath technique’ (even children).  I encourage every couple, every family, to take even one minute a day to be in silence together and to learn to appreciate the ‘field’ of energy that exists.

I encourage people to teach children the value of silence, of quieting the mind at times.  When my grandson was 6 months old, I began a continuing ritual with him:  Just before cutting off the car upon arriving home (having had the noise of the engine, music, talking, etc.) I always say “Are you ready for the silence?” and when the car is cut off we look into each other’s eyes and are perfectly still as we ‘listen to/feel the silence’, then we open our mouths and quietly go ‘Ahhhhhhhhhh’.  He loves this ritual.  Additionally, I wrote a ‘chant’ for him that I softly repeated as I rocked him as a baby, and still sing to/with him today, at 6 years old:In the deep-est, in-ner-most part of Me

There’s a si-lent place where I come home to Me…

I can’t chase it. Can’t e-rase it. Help me em-brace it. Set me free

There is also great benefit in body/mindfulness ‘awareness’ practices such as yoga, authentic movement/dance, tai chi, etc.  These practices encourage silence and stillness.  Paying attention.

• FLUID VS RIGID BELIEF SYSTEMS

Religion (whether ‘tool’ or ‘baggage’) vs Spirituality (Direct connection to ‘the divine’ without the clutter of concepts/words/dogma): 

God has no religion.  (Ghandi)

Although religion can be a wonderful tool on our spiritual path, when I become attached to particular dogma, it can become heavy baggage that keeps me from direct connection to ‘the divine’.  The most potent spiritual paths allow for an ever-changing flow in my belief system. 

• FLUID VS RIGID SHORT AND LONG-TERM GOALS (Success can = only going part of the way toward an intended goal.  Failure can = reaching a goal....if demanded by ego and against intuitive prompting).  Dan Fogelberg sings “Storybook endings never appear, they’re just ‘someone’s’ way of leading us here.”  God works in mysterious ways and I know that over and over in my life I have been guided to a goal that I was meant to move toward with100% intention.  Yet somewhere along the way my guidance says “OK, that’s enough of that.  Now turn THIS way……asking me to make a 90 turn and head toward an entirely different goal.  It is the rational mind/ego that gets attached to thinking I must complete a goal in order to have succeeded.  This simply is not so.

• NON-ATTACHMENT: ‘The Desire is the Suffering’:  It is not other people, money, material things, what we prefer, etc. that brings about our suffering, it is our attachment to these things that creates the suffering.  Trusting process, trusting divine guidance, trusting the way life unfolds, letting go, having faith that ‘WHAT IS’ is enough, is a healthier place to reside than living in attachment to what is NOT, or fear of what might be lost, etc.

•  ACCEPTANCE:

Awareness + Acceptance = Change/Growth

Awareness + Non-Acceptance = Being Stuck

  dnta

Fritz Perl’s, the father of Gestalt Therapy, said “Awareness itself is curative.”  Although this is sometimes true, I have found it is more often true that healing occurs only when it is accompanied by ACCEPTANCE (of ‘what is’. )

PROCESS IS PROCESS.  THE TRUTH IS THE TRUTH.  AND, It’s ALL the same.  Contentment comes when I have an underlying acceptance of ALL that I am, and ALL that IS, even though my ego may not like it or want it or wish it to be.  This does NOT mean I do not take action against or stand against anything.  It simply means that from the deepest ‘core’ place inside me, I surrender and accept ALL that arises.  I embrace it.  I TRUST THE PROCESS and KNOW that EACH moment holds a gift, if I am willing to take it.  I may be ‘twitching and jerking’ about my life on the outside (on an ‘ego’ level, with my persona) while, at the very same time, embracing and accepting and even feeling gratitude for the same thing my ego is twitching and jerking about.

“We cannot change anything unless we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses.” Carl Jung

• SELF-IMPROVEMENT VS TRUE, INTERNAL GROWTH/DEEP CHANGE

     Self Improvement OFTEN: simply moves symptoms around, is short-lived, is incompatible with a person’s deeper authentic self, and, is motivated by unrealistic expectations from self and others (family, friends, society, teachers, therapists, religious doctrine, etc.). 

Much more rarely, self-improvement organically unfolds as a by-product of internal growth and spiritual guidance and is, therefore, authentic and appropriate.

• INTERNAL CHANGE:  Life, the people around us, even 'lots-to-some' of our own 'surface persona' often does not ultimately change to any great degree (or, at least, under stress we regress.)  The necessary change for underlying 'contentment and gratitude' is an INTERNAL one.  A different way of SEEING.  A different way of BEING in the world and with ourselves.  ‘Underlying’ is the key here, ‘The Surface’ is a different story.

• SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE:  When all is said and done:  Without (that which I call) ‘God’, I am nothing.  And With (that which I call) ‘God’, All things are possible.  THY will be done, not mine. True spirituality involves direct experience of the divine rather than a rational mind concept of the divine.

“Enlightenment” is not a goal.  It already IS.  We already ARE enlightened.  Experiencing only requires the realization of this.  Come to the moment.  Let go the mind.

•KARMA:  Whether you believe in reincarnation or not (I personally do), we all carry KARMA that we have created.  This is the concept that I ‘reap what I sow’. If I chose to a life of pretending to be someone I’m not, then I need not be surprised when others around me are inauthentic as well.

Similar to the concept of Karma, is the ‘Ripple Effect’:  ‘Who I Am’, ‘What I Do’, ‘How I Be’ creates a ripple effect on myself, then others, then the World and Universe at large every single moment.  ‘Living in Truth’ begins with ME.  Peace on Earth begins with ME!  I cannot ‘bad’ you without also ‘bad-ing’ myself.

• VICTIM CONSCIOUSNESS: Being chronically stuck in ‘victim consciousness’ is a powerful attitude to look at in terms of forward movement in growth.  What if I live my life as if I have chosen every single thing that happens to and from me?  As if each event and person I encounter is a gift, a teacher, to facilitate my learning the lessons I am here to learn?  How might my life be different from this point of view?  We all have times when we feel we have or are being victimized.  This is human.  It’s adopting ‘victim consciousness’ as a chronic attitude that our spiritual path is  thwarted.

• CHRONIC SUBSTANCE USE: I believe that chronic use of substances, such as alcohol, marijuana, painkillers, tranquilizers, etc. (and other addictions such as food and tobacco to a much lesser degree) precludes (inhibits) the possibility of a spiritual path that involves ongoing CONNECTION to our DEEPER authentic selves, our BEING nature, the ‘the divine in us’, the ability to “be still, and know that I am God.”

• OTHER ‘GROUP’ TOOLS (which can also be applied to non-group situations)

If you, as a group member, cannot hear the person working, and they have been made aware ONE TIME that they are speaking softly, then please move closer to them rather than ask them again to accommodate the group by speaking up.  It’s their piece of work!

Don’t attempt to ‘rescue’ or console group members in their experience with care-taking unless you are invited to do so.  For example:  if someone begins to cry, don’t pass them kleenex unless they request it.  Don’t reach out to console them unless they ask for your contact.  Otherwise you may stop their process prematurely at the cost of an opportunity for growth/awareness.

Confidentiality: “What you see here and what you hear here, when you leave here, let it stay here.”  There is no guarantee of confidentiality in a group, no matter how much we may wish so.  However, the place of deepest integrity, and often the deepest work, comes when honoring confidentiality in a group, from building trust in the group field.

• FLOW WITH ALL.  Every ‘high’ is eventually followed by a ‘down’.  This is the natural order of things.  TRYING to stay high, to not be down, is useless.  When I embrace my ‘down’ as deeply as my ‘high’, I am served and free to continue flowing.  When I embrace my ‘high’ and resist my ‘down’ it does not keep me ‘high’, rather, I can become stuck in ‘down’.

• INTEGRITY.  How often do I lie?  Manipulate?  Use people?  Steal, even if in subtle ways.  How often do I tell others “I’ll do that such and such” or “I want to see you” when you know at the time this is not true?  Integrity, on a spiritual path, is a highest goal.

•GROUND.  We live on Mother Earth. Although most of us have periods of being ‘ungrounded’, the most balanced paths include an intention of having our ;feet’ spend quite a bit of time on the ground.  Chop wood, carry water.  One foot in front of the other.  A goal of floating in a high spiritual space does not lead to balance.  As stated before, it more often leads to ‘crash and burn’. 

• MEANINGFUL GROWTH CAN BE QUIET:  The idea that Drama = Movement (from a growth perspective) is often untrue.  “‘Seeming stuckness’ = Non-movement” is sometimes considered to be true:  Often people feel they are only ‘growing/changing, etc.” when there is drama, an intensity, around what is going on.  However learning to ‘sit in stuckness (with the ‘light of consciousness’ turned on) is a very powerful growth tool.  And ‘one foot in front of the other’ practicing can also lead to transformation.

•THERAPEUTIC ENCOUNTER IN GROUP:  Inherent in GROUP work is that people will be moved, touched, triggered, etc. by other group members.  There are no guarantees of safety in group work anymore than there are guarantees of safety in the ‘real world’.  If I choose to be part of a group that has the intention of authenticity, then I must come prepared to perhaps feel uncomfortable, awkward, fearful, angry, joyous, sad, etc.  Encounter is a normal aspect of being in a group.

All therapeutic encounter must be grounded in the understanding that both or all parties have something to learn from the experience.  All parties are teachers to one another.

It is understood that staying in ‘victim consciousness’ (even if an encounter starts there) will likely be detrimental to the healing process for both parties. For instance, simply blowing off steam by attacking someone with ‘YOU statements’ and not owning my own stuff will not, in the end, serve myself nor the person being encountered.  Likewise, if I only whine and blame the other person for my emotional state then I am not owning my own work.

Therapeutic encounter is about OWNING my own stuff in the encounter.   It is important to use ‘YOU-Turns’: what does this anger say about MY own life?  What or who in my life acted or acts in such a way as to trigger this in ME? Who or what is the ‘introject’ inside ME that responds to this situation with anger or sadness or fear or?  In what ways is this other person a MIRROR for my OWN process?

There is great potential for growth with authentic feedback, whether a simple one-on-one encounter or in the experience of multiple people being triggered by one person in a group. Speaking to the latter, it is extremely rare for there to be any therapeutic benefit to a “Rat Pack’ where a group attack occurs (as in the old Cynanon or early encounter days).  On the contrary, such attacks can have very detrimental consequences.  However, if the person who has triggered multiple people is open to hearing from them, one at a time, from a place of HEARTFUL INTENTION (heartful intention NOT necessarily meaning no anger will be expressed but that the underlying intention of the work is to serve both people in the end), then there is great potential for growth and healing. Perhaps by openly listening to what others have to say I will see something about myself I have been in denial about.  Or perhaps I will grow by staying true to my OWN beliefs about what ‘they’ see in me and not allow their opinions and feelings to sway me from what I know my own truth to be. Or perhaps I will ‘take on’ what they are saying about me (whether ‘true’ or not) and be triggered into some insecurity that I can then work on to grow stronger in my own ability to face the reality of a world where people DO judge and ARE triggered by me, etc.

Another thing about encounter:  when I set boundaries that do not allow authentic communication to occur, it often backfires and creates the very thing I wanted to avoid (distance; misunderstanding; escalation of anger, frustration, sadness, fear, etc.)

Authentic feedback can occur face-to-face, as pillow work, in writing, or other creative forms (such as art work). 

For a face to face direct encounter to occur, both parties must be willing to have the encounter.

In direct encounter, if both parties hold their position, where there is obviously no room for either to ‘own’ their ‘own stuff’, then I, as facilitator, will ‘name’ this and stop the encounter.   There are times when agreeing to disagree is the only avenue.  At that point I MAY ask each party to reflect on any possibility for a ‘YOU-turn’ to occur for them.  Depending on group time and needs, one or both parties may wish to explore this in a ‘short’ or ‘longer’ piece of individual work.

Another, sometimes ‘safer’, alternative is for the person wanting the encounter to do the work as ‘pillow work’, perhaps starting with the piece that is directed at the other group member, then moving into THEIR OWN WORK around their anger or frustration or fear or sadness, etc. as relates to their life aside from this one particular person who has triggered them. The person represented on the pillow can either remain in the room or chose to leave.  There is no shame in choosing to leave the room.  Often the person working is simply unconsciously using the other group member as a mirror, a ‘door’ into their own deeper work, and by staying for the encounter the person on the pillow may take the work more personally than is necessary.

If the person being encountered on the pillow has chosen not to be directly encountered, then they cannot jump into the middle of the other person’s work if they find themselves triggered.   If all considerations (time, energy, leader intuition, etc.) allow, the person being encountered may be able to later explore their own process about the encounter, if desired.

•SELF-THERAPEUTIC TOOLS TO STAY PRESENT WITNESSING OPEN SEAT WORK:

MEDITATION PRACTICE- Witnessing Open Seat is a MEDITATION PRACTICE.  A powerful tool for spiritual practice. How present can I be to what is before me, this moment, in this work?  At what point does my presence fade or shift out of the moment to some other place (for example, unconscious thought patterns) or time (past or future)?

JOURNALING FOR SELF- Keep a journal handy during each person’s work.  If something triggers or touches you about yourself as a person works, and you find yourself drifting off into your own process, unable to maintain simple presence to the one working, then write in your journal. For example, if the person working is dialoging between two parts of themselves, you may wish to jot down similar parts you see in yourself.  Perhaps even write a dialog between them right then and there.  If something in a person’s work triggers your mind to begin a thinking train of thought, then write the thoughts down as a way of capturing or releasing them.  Use your journal to note questions you might want to ask Dorothy or the group member later on.  If there is a place in the work that YOU would have followed had you been the facilitator, then record it. There are multiple paths to take in any piece of work. You can also simply use your journal to JOURNAL or write a poem or song or short story or doodle or whatever arises.

WRITE DOWN APPROPRIATE ‘ECHOS’- You can also use your journal to record ‘echos’ you might wish to share.  An echo* is something you hear or see during a session that reverberates with you somehow.  It could be exact words (only a few) a sound, a gesture, a posture, etc.  When the piece of work is over, share only those echos that stayed with you.  Be mindful of overload on the person that just worked.  Know that most echos carry something for yourself to pay attention to as well.

ALLOWING YOUR OWN EMOTIONS TO COME FORTH- There are times when the person in open seat moves into a deeply emotional space that can trigger witnesses into their own emotions as well.   If this is sadness and you begin to cry, instead of stopping yourself, see if you can SILENTLY cry, either by putting your head into a pillow or crying with no sound emerging.  If it is anger, then make faces with silent sound coming forth, etc.  If you need connection, feel free to move beside, or to the lap of, someone you trust and know is ok with you seeking quiet connection.  Any avenue you find to express your own process without disturbing the work of the person in the Open Seat is welcomed and encouraged.

AS FACILITATOR:

“It’s worth a nickel if I say it, a dime if you do.”:  You know better than I who you are and what you need.  For the most part, I won’t ‘make it happen’ for you.  I won’t give you the answers.  I don’t have them.  Let’s play, explore, experiment.  I’ll facilitate......‘midwife’….. as best I can in that discovery process. I’ll stay more on my side of the midline than yours. I want it to be YOUR ‘baby’, not mine. If you want something different, then ask.  You might get it.

“Try once, try twice, then YIELD.” In most cases, pushing does not lead to growth, only more sophisticated defense systems to guard against growth!  Likewise, induced catharsis may appear to bring dramatic growth results in the moment, but be assured damage has been done.  Catharsis needs to be organically ripe to lead to long-terms changes/growth.

I am not here to entertain you or stimulate you or ‘grow’ you or even to ‘protect’ you (except as best I can to keep you safe from harm) whether an individual client or a group. That is not my job.  I could do it.  I could energetically ‘juice the field’ with my energy and induce some of you to open up, to ‘jump off the cliff’, so to speak.  I could help some of you have a fun and high and intense time.  But that would be a disservice to you, and to me.  It would only serve to provide a ‘jerk-off’ experience with no lasting benefit, perhaps even doing harm.  And I know that it would drain, not enhance, my spirit.

I’m not going with you when you leave.  I believe the highest good I can do for all is to provide an open space for YOU to ‘come to the table’ with your OWN energy, you OWN truth (and courage/willingness) to perhaps go beyond where you have gone before.  You don’t have to jump off the cliff.  Just peek over the edge.  Or NOT!  For example, if you’re always yak, yak, yakking, then explore that defense this month. Use SELF-awareness to ‘watch’ (not judge) yourself as you’re yakking.  Simply watch.  Pay attention.  Conversely, you could be silent for awhile and see what letting go of your normal ‘yakking defense’ offers you, brings up for you.

If you normally busy yourself with running here and there, and doing this and that,, then sit still.  Sit still.  Reflect.  What comes up as you simply sit?  What might you be running from inside??  Grief?  Anger?  Joy? (many folks run even from joy because they intuitively know they can’t experience joy without ‘coming down’ the other side afterwards, so therefore some folks struggle hard to keep a middle ground and then end up not really feeling much at all, at least not deeply.) 

If you end up drinking too much, or seek to get stoned on pot or sugar or whatever else turns you on (or off), or you sit hour upon hour in front of a computer or television screen or are constantly reading, then what might you be running from?  What might you be missing by doing so?  What authentic experiences are being denied by that choice?  Again, ask this not as judgment but as self-awareness.  DOING WHAT WE DO IN THE ‘LIGHT OF CONSCIOUSNESS’.

However, with the above said, please feel free to REQUEST stimulation from me (in the form of things such as group exercises, ‘homework’ assignments, etc.).  If the request grows out of your process I am often willing to participate.

Related to group process: I am not your protector.  It is up to you to take care of yourself.  Set your own boundaries.  If you are not available for encounter, say so!  (you might ask the person encountering to use a pillow to do their work).  If you do not want feedback or specific types of feedback (e.g. advice.....analysis) then say so!   You have a right to your space, boundaries, privacy.

One place I DO intervene in group process is in the case of an out and out ‘gang bang’.....when many people are ‘attacking’ one person at the same time.   I will name it, then stop it.

In group, I don’t take ‘reservations’ for who works when.  If you’d like to work, rather than ask me if you can have the floor, once the floor is ‘open’ please discuss it with any others who may wish to work and ya’ll let ME know who goes next.  I also prefer that who works following the current piece of work grows out of process and not pre-arranged schedules based on who held their hand up the last time and didn’t get to work.  Process changes, needs change, let’s remain flexible enough to accommodate those changes.

As mentioned above, although I, as facilitator, see my role as ‘midwife’ (staying on ‘my side of the midline’ as much as possible) there are certainly times when I intuitively cross that midline, sometimes even intensely.  I am ‘known’ for periodically ‘busting’ someone in therapy.  If this ‘bust’ occurs from my ego, then damage has been done.  If from intuitive guidance, it can be a very timely and appropriate thing to do.  The work is to distinguish from within myself the source of such ‘across the midline’ encounters.  Will Shutz (known for his ‘busts’) once told me that he would hope it is people’s ‘ripe defenses’  he is busting and not a more vulnerable part of themselves. I found this to be true in my witnessing of his work over the years and believe this is most often true in my own work.

In addition to psychological work, I believe that the most potent paths up the mountain also consist of having:  a) a spiritual path (trusting that there IS some wisdom greater than that which our egos would have us believe is true);  b) having some form of bodywork in our lives (yoga, massage, exercise, etc. ); c) use of the mind as a tool, not as the primary way of relating to self, others and world); and d) in exploration through relationship with others and the world around us.  Often we will focus more on one or two of the above at certain times on our path.  Rarely do we give equal attention to all 5 areas (Body, Mind, Heart, Spirit, Community/World).

In Spiritual Gestalt work, violence, or threat of violence, is permitted, and welcomed, as part of ‘pillow work’.......never directly at self or others.

And last, but certainly not least!  My ‘work’ as a ‘gesalt/process facilitator’, as a ‘Spiritual Gestalt therapist’, is best served (both myself and the ‘client’) when I do the work from a place of BEING rather than DOING.  MY work is to learn to set my rational mind/ego aside (to let go and use my mind as a tool during sessions, as prompted by my intuitive self) and allow the work to happen ‘through me’ rather than ‘from me’.  The degree to which I am able to do this reflects the degree to which I ‘take on’ what is happening in the room, reflects the degree to which I am tired or burned out (or even sickened) at the end of a work day or workshop or in my work life in general.  When my mind/ego is used only as a tool I am energized by my work.  I have more energy at the end of a session or workshop than I went in with.  I believe this to be true: work that grows out of Being is not work, work that grows out of Doing is work.

BEING is a mystical, magical, healing space.  Once grounded, once integrated into the ‘whole of me’, the positive ‘ripple effect’ of letting go to hang out in my ‘Being Self’ is far-reaching. 

• MITAKUYE OYASIN:  ALL MY RELATIONS!

WE ARE ONE. 

WE ARE ALL CONNECTED. 

EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING.

Like it or not.

Everything, including our physical body and the chair we sit in, is made up of masses of vibrating molecules. Nothing is solid.  We are all connected energetically. 

WE ARE ONE. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dorothy Nell Thomas

757-710-0965

dnta11@icloud.com

ABOUT ME (Updated 2018):

The path begins 40 years ago, 1978:

With a 2 year intense period of spontaneous kundalini experiences (going insane to become sane - moving from Society Self to Authentic Self; Use of Sensory Isolation Tank for 2 years; Learnings re: balance of intellectual/academic and intuition/heart/spirit, etc.)

MA: Counseling/Psychology

Attended: West Georgia College’s Humanistic Psychology Program from 1978-1980 (a program Abraham Maslow worked behind the scenes to assist Mike Arons-the creator, & Jim Klee, both formerly at Brandeis with Maslow, in the development of that program.) 

Gestalt Certification

with Vincent O’Connell, PhD (whom Fritz speaks fondly of in his autobiography In & Out of the Garbage Pail)

Tao of Leadership Training

10+ years training with John Heider, author of The Tao of Leadership. Who was not only a beloved teacher, but a friend and one-time ‘mate’. I honor John and the ripple effect of his work.  I miss having on the planet.

Gestalt Training

Worked with Dick Price and, more extensively, with Chris Price (Gestalt Practice) and various other Gestalt and other non-Gestalt facilitators (Marty Fromm, Gertrude Krause, Anne Simpkin, Dorothy Charles, David Schiffman, Stan Grof, Harry Sloane, Anne Armstrong, Roger Woolger, etc.)

Esalen

Mid 80‘s: Lived/Worked as cook/baker in Esalen Kitchen

The Keys Institute

Founder/Director of The Keys Institute, A Human Potential Ctr in Key Largo FL which had great support from Esalen (even a write up in the catalog) and hosted many leaders known to Esalen until Hurricane Andrew trashed the facility.

Papaji

In India, ‘studied with’, then corresponded with HWL Poonja (Papaji)

Esalen (again)

Management (Work Study Coordinator) & facilitated Gestalt sessions and group work there from Late 96 to 2000 and then continued to lead Work Study months through 2005.

Community Mental Health and Intensive In-Home Family Counseling

on Eastern Shore of VA 2003 to 2017

Private Practice (Individuals, Couples, Families and Groups)

Ongoing for over 30 years, continues today.

Long Time Vision:To leave some ripple effect behind that hopefully served to assist with the healing of folks in acute spiritual crisis

•Available For Retreats/Trainings/Presentations/Personal Work: See Rest of Site

Please note: This paper, a ‘work in progress’, is also being used as a

general ‘outline’ for a book I am working on. Please respect the copyright.  Thank you.